We have friends who are married and had a baby three years ago. We had to start a new tradition with them where we would go right before the holidays to a German restaurant that happens to be just about equidistant from our home and theirs. It's hard to get together, all full time jobs and the baby.
Tonight we are having our dinner with them, all of us arriving separately (except the three year old). I'm having a glass of wine before we go, because they are on the verge of divorce, and have been almost ever since they got married. I'm not making guesses about their relationship, the wife is just about done, right now she stays for the kid.
It's not that I don't like to see them, I don't like to see them together. I get together with the wife a few times a year to have lunch or just go to the park with the baby. I love the baby, he fascinates me, just a tiny replica of his father. He's friendly and sweet and now he talks! I call him my littlest boyfriend.
I don't know why I'm blogging about this. I guess because Jeckyll and I are having our own problems again. A drunken accusatory argument last Friday night. Better worded discussion yesterday. I hope nobody ever looks at us and in their heads they just think "divorce".
This time while arguing I didn't have any physical reactions. I didn't get that weird nervous fluttering in my stomach, the anxiety. I guess now I just trust that 17 years in we can argue and it will turn out OK. Won't I be surprised if he just up and leaves me in the dust without warning. Or if I don't see the warning coming, because I think we'll just always be OK in the end.
I wonder if the marriage counseling stuff didn't get left behind. I don't know if we are doing the right things. It seems we try. There is plenty of love there, we are not angry all the time, we are not as distant as we have been in the past. Maybe not as close as we could be. We are busy too. No babies, but other projects, other interests, things that can keep us from each other.
We'll have dinner with our friends tonight. There will be some good conversation, some good laughter, and some bickering. We'll probably come away from it feeling pretty fucking good about our own marriage. I guess that's what friends are for?